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Monday, October 10, 2011


You know, I spent many years writing my book and then a couple of years trying to get it published. All the while everyone I knew kept saying "Let me know when it's published. I'd love to read it!" Now I know they were liars. Oh everyone wants to be so supportive when you're trying to make something happen, but when you make it happen all the support fades away. It's like the opposite of any story about people getting rich or famous.

"No one believed in me and then I made my first album and suddenly I was surrounded by people saying that they knew I could do it."

How did I get the crap end of this deal? It's like somebody pulled the underwire out of my bra and now the girls are freefalling. (Which would be very uncomfortable considering.)

You know I never wanted to have my book do well, to be quite honest. I just wanted to be able to share it with my family and friends. I wanted people who knew me to take a good look at it and go "Wow, Ariana is seriously self-impressed!" Or maybe they'd look at it and understand me a little. But instead my book is doing just as well as I am. People feign interest and don't bother to look beneath the surface. It's more than a little frustrating.

ON THE OTHER HAND, I've found out what people are really cool and actually supportive. My great aunt bought four copies! My great grandmother (who is actually my step great grandmother so I wasn't sure if she'd even care) has a copy and is dying to read it because "I watched her grow up. Of course I want to see how she's done." My cousin David bought the book but was repaid for his support by having FedEx LOSE IT. Then of course there are Marcy, Jaime and Shaina who aren't related to me or anything and bought copies basically just to be supportive. These are my favorite people.

Of course I understand the people who can't afford to buy my book. My one friend who is having issues finding a job and a place to live keeps apologising because she hasn't bought my book yet. "I promise I'll buy it as soon as I can! I can't wait to read it!!!"

Honestly....I'd prefer it if she could afford to live. I'll give her the damn book if she wants to read it. It's just annoying to have all this support I once had completely withdrawn from me. People who encouraged me to publish myself if agents wouldn't do it. At this rate I will never be able to repay the loan my grandparents gave me. And I feel bad complaining about it. I feel like it makes me seem like a selfish brat but I can't help but feel this way.


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