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Sunday, December 4, 2011

Aliens Made Me Write This!!!!

I am so tired of the Ancient Astronaut theory. I was irritated by it before "History" Channel decided to dedicate a show to it. Now that show sends me into hysterical rants (both funny hysterical and hysterical in reference to hysteria). Not familiar with the subject? Well let me explain.

There is a growing field of...ahem historians (though it's hard to call them that) dedicated to the belief that aliens have shaped our history. They explain many things in global history with aliens and they see aliens in inexplicable events from the past. There are groups of them who believe that those native to the new world were actually put here by aliens. They believe that many of the wonders of the world can be explained by alien intervention. The design for the great pyramids, the Colossus of Rhodes, Machu Picchu, Stonhenge and others can all be explained by aliens.

You see, aliens came down and told the ancient Egyptians where to build the pyramids because these coordinates lined up with constellation of Orion which meant something to the aliens. They also brought the stones needed to both Machu Picchu and Stonehenge. The belief that aliens actually PLACED Stonehenge has been mostly abandoned because there is evidence of human remains beneath the structure, said to be those who died during construction. They still believe that it is the only way the stones could have been transported there and that alien design is the only explanation for WHY Stonehenge was built because we have yet to fully understand it.

My favorite Ancient Alien specials are when they try to explain the Bible. No, I'm not kidding. Mind you I am not Christian but even I get a little offended by these. For example: they believe an angel didn't tell Mary she was pregnant with the savior of the alien spacecraft beamed it into her head. Or the story of Jonah. See, he was never in the belly of a whale. No, it was an alien spacecraft which was capable of going underwater. I'm not kidding.

They explain the great flood in the Bible with aliens too. This one is much more elaborate. They believe that Noah was the first of our species of humans (Homo erectus). He was born due to genetic experimentation performed by none other than the aliens who were trying to create the perfect specimen of human. They were doing the same to animals. The aliens knew that in order for their new alpha specie to thrive they had to wipe out all of the imperfect creatures. So they prepared to flood the Earth. Noah's Ark is actually explained as being a DNA container. This explains evolution at the same time. I wish to reiterate that I am NOT kidding. This is what some believe.

And they think that this brings logic into the illogical Bible. Really? Believing in God and Heaven and Hell is illogical but believing in aliens coming down and thoroughly shaping our history is logical?!? Again, I'm not Christian or Jewish and even I'm offended. What's more they explain the Jin of Muslim lore with aliens.

Here's the thing, I'm not so arrogant that I don't believe in life on other planets. Nor do I believe that there is no possible way they could have such advanced technology which would enable them to make it here. I'm naturally skeptical but I'm still something of a believer. That being said, these ancient astronuts make me sick (oh I know, witty word play. SOOOO original Ariana. Astro"nuts". Whatever.). They use aliens as a scapegoat.

There are two things the aliens are used for. One use is to excuse things humans have done. They excuse certain branches of mental illness with aliens. One story even claims that a woman was about to talk about something she knew to much about so the aliens gave her a stroke, rendering her mute the rest of her days. The second use for aliens is to excuse our own ignorance. They say that there's no way ancient humans could have come up with many of the things they did. The Mayans couldn't have come across their knowledge of math and astronomy on their own. The Egyptians couldn't have plotted out their pyramids without help. It's impossible for those in the Americas to have also come up with the idea of pyramid type structures. The Inca could not have built their temples to the Sun and the Moon so far up those peaks or designed their buildings to work with the mountains or taken the stones up so high without the aide of aliens. Because we as modern humans can't figure it out. We have television and cell phones and computers so we are obviously smarter than our ancient ancestors. Therefore they must have had extraterrestrial help.

Humans are surprisingly remarkable creatures capable of amazing feats. They can do horribly stupid things like slavery and holocausts for example, but they are capable of so much more that is good. Historians are supposed to keep the stories of our ancestors and dig around for more information. Instead these people are trying to discredit humans.

I don't doubt that if aliens could come here they might have had contact with ancient peoples, but does that have to explain everything? Really?

1 comment:

  1. Oh my god this blog post is so good. A human couldn't have written it. It must be ALIENS